Being happy is not so hard; however, we tend to overcomplicate things. Our ego, the way we grew up, unmet childhood needs, society’s expectations, they all play a role in our desires and actions. None of us grew in an ideal environment, whereas a child we had the privilege to give unlimited patience, support, tolerance. They might all reflect on our behaviors. Yet still, we do need to try our best to reach to a peaceful mindset for a better future. There are simple rules for happiness as listed below.
Leave the past in the past
Our minds are the only enemy as a barrier between enjoying today, this moment. Our past lives, interactions, traumas play a great role in how we feel, think and our aspirations. We can get depressed by thinking about the sad moments in our lives, or apply strategies to help us leave the past in the past and train our brain to be in the present. Then eventually happiness will come.
If you are someone who is ruminating about the past, acknowledge that whatever happened, it is a warning that something went entirely wrong in the past. Visit that memory and learn from your lesson. We are not entirely responsible for what happened but from our reactions in life. Instead of regretting, change your perception about this event. It is a blessing that this happened, maybe it protected you from a future mistake.
Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) is a practical method to work on post-traumatic stress disorders (PTSD). It is a scientifically proven method to heal from past emotional wounds. Click to learn more about this procedure.
“Let go of what was and make the best of what is.”
If you feel regret from a past mistake, here is a guided meditation that helps you to work on past mistakes.
What others think of you is none of your business
We are social creatures, and being an accepted member of a group is important for our emotional wellbeing. Nothing is more normal than our desire to be approved, accepted, recognized in the society that we live in. However, this perception needs a balance. It would not be healthy to live our lives or estimate our worth from the values of others.
We all live our lives from our interpretations of our experiences. For instance, a dog, when you were a toddler, if you were bitten by a dog, it would mean something negative to you while someone else might always have positive experiences with a dog. So every action, might have a different meaning for every person depending on their experiences with it.
Everyone might have a different opinion about us, our actions. They may not disapprove us time to time and it is ok. You are, you, and they are they. The healthiest is mentally to distinguish yourself from the others. Live your life according to yourself.
Time heals almost everything
When something tragic happens, you feel like the pain is permanent. You may want to scream or deny, but the reality is inevitable. That shall pass. Time heals almost everything. Patience is the key to everything. Grieving has certain stages that are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Surrender to the pain. Try to accept it the way it is. Life is four seasons, and those times actually help you to acknowledge what you really value. The worst thing in your life might be the best treasure that you have. It is up to you to profit from them toward your happiness.
Don’t judge or compare yourself to others
You are, you are, and your past story made you a unique person. Sometimes you experience nice things and other times unpleasant things, and in the end, it makes us who we are. Believe me, you would be bored if it all went great. Don’t judge yourself to others. They all did their best given the circumstances, as much as you did. Sometimes we judge based on automatic reactions. In this case, mindfulness is a great strategy to purify your brain from judgements.
Negative judgements are something that would reduce your energy. While criticizing the other person, you would continuously wander your brain toward the negative. So negativity either directed to you or the other is no good for you in the end. Instead of judging, try to understand that person. Everyone has a reason to act in a certain way, even people who did extremely unpleasant things. It would make you a wiser person to understand the other instead of wandering into negative opinions.
Negative judgements are something that would reduce your energy. While criticizing the other person, you would continuously wander your brain toward the negative. So negativity either directed to you or the other is no good for you in the end. Instead of judging, try to understand that person. Everyone has a reason to act in a certain way, even people who did extremely unpleasant things. It would make you a wiser person to understand the other instead of wandering into negative opinions.
Memories occupy your moments, stop thinking too much
How often do you find yourself diving into the past? Are they negative or positive experiences? Maybe you cannot control yourself but acknowledge that it is eating from your moment. Instead of doing something pleasant for the day, you are consuming your energy on memories that are taking you mentally down. Whatever happened is already happened. It is definite, no one can change it. You can only move on and see the future. Learn from it and leave it in the past. No one has a perfect life, everyone one or the other did something they regret or lived something that is extremely unpleasant.
Whenever an unpleasant memory comes to mind, ask yourself this question. What am I taking away from my life and replacing it with this unpleasant memory? What is taking me away from happiness?
No one is responsible for your emotions
You are the only person who is responsible for your unhappiness or any other emotion. The same is the case for others, you are not responsible for somebody else’s emotions. Therefore, it would be a waste of time to blame the other person for your emotional situation, since they may not acknowledge what impact may their action have on a person.
Think about your emotions as shoes. When someone harmed your shoes, would you blame or try to harm another person’s shoes as well? Is this an effective strategy? Would your shoes automatically repaired when you harm other person’s shoes? Definitely not. Your shoes need to be repaired to keep going, so the wisest is to focus on yourself. Instead of focusing on what others did unpleasant to you, focus on yourself for happiness.
Gain the habit of focusing on the positive for happiness
You have two choices: either focusing on the negative and making your life miserable, or focusing on the positive and enjoying the limited time we have on earth. Which one would you choose? The answer is simple, however, why do we constantly dive into the undesirable path? There could be many reasons. Because our brain likes drama, or because negativity is addictive, or maybe we have the tendency to sabotage ourselves.
Positivity is a muscle, and it is developed through practice. A gratitude journal is an effective method to boost positive thinking. Click to read more about it. Keeping a regular gratitude journal would pave the path toward happiness.
As a conclusion
Being happy is not so hard because our brains have a tendency to focus on the negative. This comes from survival reasons, the more we are tuned to negativity, the more we are ready to face an upcoming threat. However, when we are at peace, our brains can be the worst enemies of ourselves. Positivity and happiness is a skill that could be enhanced through regular practice. Choose to be happy and train your brain to be happy.
